Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
