we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We need to rekindle our bromance
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
