Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
