Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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