pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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