just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
