Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
