either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
