Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize