Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
