you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
