Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
