i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
