dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
