I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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