Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
