Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
either way he was missing a nipple.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
