so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
