If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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