the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
