I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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