what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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