I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
