Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
