i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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