Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
