Welp...herpes.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
