Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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