I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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