Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
