White coat. Heels.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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