A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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