she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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