I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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