I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
