Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She told me I should be a condom model.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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