I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
