just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
