Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
