I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
