I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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