i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
