there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
