Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Randomize
