I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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