Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
