a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
