I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
