apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
