U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We're too hungover to prance.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
