If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
