We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She's not a foreskin expert like you
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
