i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
