i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
