yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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