You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
