Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
