i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
