i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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