I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
