Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
