sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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