how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize