So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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