Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
