He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
