my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize